While adoption may have both positive and negative effects on adoptive parents, we’ll be addressing the most sensitive of them all; common adult adoptee problems. While everyone agrees that children who come into the world as a result of adoption are in need of love, attention and support, many adult adoptees still feel somewhat left out of a “traditional” relationship with their adoptive family. In this piece, we’re going to take a look at a few common problems that many adult adoptive parents face and discuss why they happen in the first place.
One of the first major problems is often the inability of children to adjust to the changes in the adoptive environment. This can often lead to some of the most difficult of adult adoption issues: communication and trust between the child and the adoptive parent. While communication is often an issue, communication isn’t necessarily a problem. Communication means that both parents speak clearly and honestly with the child about their feelings, needs and feelings.
Second, as parents, it’s important that you communicate your child’s needs, desires and ideas about life. One of the main things you should know is that your child will often express his or her feelings through words and actions – especially when the adoptive parent has not reached out to the child and made the transition from “parent” to “child.” It is important to listen carefully to the adult child, understand his or her needs and then make decisions based on that information. Be sure to also respect his or her wishes to have a good time at school and with friends. Many adult adoptive children are often embarrassed by their situation and they may need to learn how to express themselves without embarrassment in order to be comfortable in their new surroundings.
Third, when it comes to communication, you should remember that your child’s needs and wants will be different from the needs and wants of a friend or relative. If you want to know the exact way your child feels about a certain situation, you should try to ask him or her directly, and you shouldn’t assume anything about your adult child’s reactions. Remember, your adult child might not be able to express his or her feelings directly but you can make assumptions based on what you’ve learned from conversations with him or her, so make sure you aren’t biased in any way.
Fourth, remember that it is important for you to be present with your adult child when he or she is adopting. While it might be tempting to let the child go out and move out of your life all together, it is important that you stay with the child and be his or her support system. and counselor at all times. There may be some adult children who can handle the transition with minimal assistance, but it is up to you to make sure that you are there to guide them through every step of the process.
Finally, remember that the last thing you want is to be the cause of conflict with your adult child, because that is something you are never going to want to experience yourself. Try to understand that adult children can be very sensitive about issues such as communication and feelings and you want to make sure that you are able to listen to them and provide them with guidance when necessary.